


Best Before

by rinomame



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drinking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lots of drunk antics, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-18 00:39:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10605690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinomame/pseuds/rinomame
Summary: Everyone in the world came pre-packaged with an expiry date. A small counter which ticked down the years you had left. Unfortunately for Marinette, she only had 22 years. At 11 she was middle aged. At 15 she was ready to be reckless; Even if that meant being Paris's greatest superhero, Ladybug.





	1. Chapter 1

It was something you were taught about when you were very young. One of my first memories was a brief conversation with my mother.

 _“Mama, my numbers are different to yours._ _”_

_She smiles softly._

_My eyes dart over her wrist. I had recently been learning numbers in class and wanted to impress her._

_“36!_ _”_

 _“Very good dear. You_ _’re so good with your numbers, that was a big one._ _” She pulled me over to my toys then, turning to hide her face from me,_ _“Shall we play with your puppets Marinette?_ _”_

 _Defiantly, I pulled back against her,_ _“Wait Mama!_ _” I was still keen to impress,_ _“I can read mine too!_ _”_

_Slipping out of her grasp I pulled the sleeve on my shirt back. Like I had done many times before, I squinted at the number printed there._

_I bit my lip trying to remember,_ _“I can_ _’t do that one._ _”_

_I thrust my wrist to show her, not taking my eyes off the two numbers printed there._

_“Can you help?_ _”_

_Silence followed and I finally looked up at her face. Tears threatened to spill as she refused to look at my wrist._

_I was too small to reach her face to wipe them away. She drew a shaky breath._

_“15._ _”_

I hadn’t understood at the time, but everyone in the world came pre-packaged with an expiry date. I was born with only 22 years to live. Slowly over the years your number ticked down, counting down how many years you had left. I was born and my parents were instantly burdened with the knowledge that they were going to outlive their only child.

At 10 years old my counter read 12. While most classes were learning about the significance behind their numbers in health education, many of the teachers found it too awkward to bring mine up. I started covering up my wrist. Explaining over and over why my number was so small was draining. At just 10 years of age I was already almost halfway through my life.

At 13 my counter read 9. It was a devastating blow to my family as my wrist ticked into a single digit. I was already a spoiled child, my parents trying to provide everything they could to me in my short life. Watching my years fall off me spurred them into action that year. I was hardly in school and my parents often would take me all over the world to experience as much as I could. They worked hard in their bakery. Every moment not spent showering me with attention and gifts was spent squirreling away money to spend on me.

At 15 my counter read 7. My parents doting got to be too much. Things were grinding to a halt. Despite their best efforts, money was running out. My birthday that year had been at Disneyland. No matter how good their business was (the bakery had become renowned in all of Paris), funds were spreading thin.

At 15 when a little, red kwami asked me to be Ladybug I didn’t freak out. Okay, I initially did freak out about the flying red creature in my room, but the prospect of all that responsibility didn’t scare me. I was going to die relatively soon. I could be reckless. Even if I was gravely injured, it wouldn’t matter as much to me as others. I would only have to spend a few more years in this world anyway. Perhaps a morbid outlook for a 15-year-old, but a realistic one.

Even now, as I sat alone watching over the still city from the roof of an old building, I honestly didn’t regret the decision. At least with my short time, I could make a change in this world.

At 22, from my position on the old roof, I watched my counter tick over to 0. My last year. I would not make it to 23. I will give this last year all I’ve got. Happy Birthday to me.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to continue this fic! Strap yourselves in, it's going to be a sad one.

I faintly traced the 0 on my wrist. I had been curious what would happen in my last year. Whether it would say 0 or just disappear altogether. Well, at least now I knew.

Much like how I spent my New Years, I wanted to ring in my last year blackout drunk. I had brought a box of double-strength ciders with me on my journey up to the roof. It usually takes me about four to get pleasantly drunk, hopefully the whole box would knock me out.

“Everything in moderation Mari.”

I jumped, completely forgetting Tikki was here with me. I had untransformed after sitting down so I could watch my wrist tick over.

“Yeah, yeah Tikki. I’m counting on you to get me home later.”

“You know that’s not how it works.”

Sticking my tongue out at her I cracked open a can and took a swig. Beside me my phone let a single meow. Chat’s text tone. One too many incidents had led to us finally exchanging numbers, though I insisted we both go through the process of connecting two separate phone numbers to our phones. That way my Ladybug and personal phone was in one place. I couldn’t afford to own two phones and it was only smart to separate personal life with business anyway. Plus, having a ‘Ladybug’ number was handy; The mayor and police chief also had my number in case of emergencies.

**12:03| Chat Noir**

**‘Happy Birthday LB!** **’**

I smiled at my phone, tapping out a response.  

**12:03| Ladybug**

**‘Surprised ur still up thanks chat** **’**

 **‘If ur free I have a 10 pack of ciders that I need help drinking** **’**

That would at least get Tikki off my back. Assuming I went halves with Chat, five ciders were still enough to wipe me out but eliminated the possibility of alcohol poisoning. Been there, done that. Plus, alcohol poisoning would be the worst way to die. 

**12:05| Chat Noir**

**‘Text me the address and I** **’m there!** **’**

Sending through the address, I transformed. Chat was the perfect company for my pity party. He was honestly one of my best friends, and had the ability to make me somehow feel lighter. I was going to miss him so much when…

By the time I finished off my first drink Chat arrived. He slipped off the backpack he had on and pulled out a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses.

“Happy Birthday My Lady, hope you enjoy my present,” he passed me the bottle and grabbed two cans of cider from the box. He passed me one.

“I’m one up on you kitty, better catch up,” I smirked, placing down the vodka beside me.

He pulled me into a half hug and gave me a look. We both knew from previous experience he could, and would, out-drink me.

“So, since it’s your birthday LB I’m going to indulge you.” He pulled his legs up, sat crossed legged, and faced me. I raised my eyebrows at him and gave him a pointed look.

“Mmm?”

I could tell he was fighting a smile. “I will play drinking games with you.”

I couldn’t help my laugh. It was an ongoing joke we had. The first time we drank together I complained none of my friends would ever play drinking games with me; they were more into wine and gossip (not that there was anything wrong with that). Chat, being the goofball he was, was more than happy to oblige. He pretended he was doing me a favour. He loved it.

“Oh Chat, this is the best birthday gift you could ever give me!” I pretend to swoon.

“Better than the vodka?”

“Better than the vodka.”

“It was worth a shot,” he winked, making sure I got the pun, “Let the games begin.”

Staying true to Chat nature, he out-drank me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was rigging the games. My head was swimming as I checked my phone.

**02:12**

Time went by so quickly with Chat. “Ugh, why do we drink on rooves? What a poor decision,” I whined, resting my head on Chat’s shoulder. An easy arm wrapped around me.

I could feel Chat’s laugh, “Where else would we go? My place? The club? I shudder to think about the press.”

We both laughed and a comfortable silence followed.

“Hey Chat.”

“Yeah LB?”

“Thanks for… everything. Not asking too many questions, being silly with me… being my best friend.”

He leaned back, “Aw geez LB, you make it sound like you’re dying.”

That was too close to home so I laughed to hide my discomfort. Chat knew I never was overly keen on birthdays. There is no way he’d ever imagine why.

He studied my face and pressed a kiss to my forehead, “I’m always here for you Ladybug, no matter what.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it causes confusion, anything in italics took place in the past.

Waking up hurt. Chloe slammed my bedroom door open causing pain to cascade through my skull.

“No go away devil woman,” I hid under my pillow to hide from the noise, “I thought I locked my bedroom door.”

Chloe’s scoff was muffled by the pillow, “Please Mari, we both know I can just use my manicure to twist the lock.”

“Witch.”

“Happy Birthday.”

The grating noise of my curtains made my ears ring. I felt Chloe’s weight next to me.

“Why do you smell like bad decisions?”

Peering out from behind the pillow I released she wasn’t leaving. “Because I made bad decisions?”

Chloe was indignant, “Without me?”

We had never been good friends throughout school. Probably the opposite. But as my counter ticked down, I re-evaluated the relationships in my life: positive and negative. Plus, with age, we both matured. It’s not that I went out of my way to become friends with Chloe. But when you’re drunk and in the bathroom at the club, you become everyone’s friend. Without either of us realising, or admitting, we became close friends. She always came to me for fashion advice, and if she needed to vent about a work client (I also sometimes scored her tickets to fashion shows). I knew I could always count on her to make me feel better when the girl/boy I was crushing on in that moment got into a relationship. She knew all the gossip and would always show up at my door with choc-chip ice-cream and a prepared monologue on why they weren’t shit to begin with.

Chloe was also my only friend who knew about my counter.

I always, always wore a watch over my number. It wasn’t generally something you asked people about. It wasn’t something I was willing to tell people. Not even Alya despite knowing her for years. But one night I drank a little too much while we were out clubbing.

_“Yuck, I can_ _’t believe you made me drag you all the way up those stairs._ _” Chloe hauled me into her apartment. The room spun around me._

_“Thanks for letting me stay Chlo,_ _” I slurred._

_“Ugh, seriously don_ _’t mention it._ _”_

_I flopped onto the sofa,_ _“Oh my god, did you see that bouncer in the tutu?_ _”_

_Chloe giggled. She pushed my feet out of the way so she could sit next to me,_ _“Sabrina and I got selfies with him. I could only stomach one, he was so sweaty._ _”_

_She crinkled her nose remembering and I couldn_ _’t help but reach up and boop it, earning a glare._

_“Come on, you need a shower. That is not a request Mari._ _”_

_Moaning, I slid off the sofa and into a human puddle on the ground,_ _“Noooo._ _”_

_Drunk me should have known better than to try go against Chloe. The next thing I knew I was in the bathroom and she was taking my heels off. Ignoring her complaints, I lay down on the tiles, moving my hands and legs pretending to make a snow angel._

_“Marinette don_ _’t fuck with me._ _”_

_She sat on top of me, pinning my hands beside me. She looked me dead in the eyes. It was hard to focus on her._ _“You will sleep outside,_ _” she wasn_ _’t joking. I was in no state to protest._

_I stopped squirming and let her finishing taking my shoes off. She sat me up and I closed my eyes. It was hard to keep them open._

_Then she took my watch off._

_Even in my drunken haze my eyes instantly snapped open. Chloe was uncharacteristically frozen. Her nails dug into my wrist, not letting go. Her eyes were trained on the_ _‘1_ _’ burning there. I had never seen it happen in life before, but all the colour drained from her face. Her pale face turned up to look at me, the silent question on her lips. She studied me. Desperate. Her eyes shifted. Begging._

_“M-Mari,_ _” my heart twisted as her voice broke,_ _“What the fuck_ _…”_

The next morning, we had long discussion about my counter. And my imminent death. I made her promise not to tell anyone. She was a completely different person that morning. Sombre.

Things were back to normal the next time we hung out though.

**_9:10| Chlo_ **

**_‘Ugh Mia from work is being a total cow._ ** **_’_ **

**_‘Drag your ass out of bed and come grab coffee with me so I can bitch._ ** **_’_ **

**_‘And don_ ** **_’t expect a hand out just because you_ ** **_’re gonna die soon._ ** **_’_ **

**_‘Call make-a-wish foundation._ ** **_’_ **

(She did end up buying me coffee.)

I managed to pull myself into a sitting position on my bed. Shuffling through her handbag she pulled out some pills. Without hesitation, I took them, grabbing water I prepared the night before to down them.

“Thanks Chlo.”

“Whatever. Get out of bed, I was given the task of fetching you for your surprise lunch. Who do they think I am? I’m not an errand girl.”

“Were you supposed to keep my surprise birthday lunch a secret?”

She got up and made her way to my cupboard, going through outfits I had made.

“Please. Just act surprised when we get there,” She put on a sickly-sweet voice, “‘Oh my gosh guys! You shouldn’t have!’ That kind of shit.”

I was tempted to throw a pillow at her.

“Who’s coming?”

“To your birthday lunch? Just us and the girls. To your surprise party tonight? Everyone.”

This time I did throw the pillow, “What did you do!?”

She turned to face me, hitting me with a Chloe Bourgeois Power Stance. Hands on hips, shoulders back, pointed glare, “Excuse me, it’s your last year in this world. You’re having a fucking party. At least you get to see everyone before you die.”

“This party will be the reason I die.”

“Ungrateful bitch.”

I made a kissy face at her.

“Okay. Have a shower, you smell like a sewer rat. Get dressed, aim for hot but like accidentally hot; Alyas coming.”

“Chloe, you know I’m over my crush on her. I’m happy for her and Nin-”

She cut me off, “Literally do not care. Did not ask. Pack your makeup and a dress for the party tonight. You can crash at mine.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Time to make it through today. Step one, wait for the pills to kick in and make this killer headache go away.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I love this relationship so much? 
> 
> I have an idea of how I want this to end but I'd love any input you guys have! 
> 
> Have a good one :)


	4. Chapter 4

I think the worst thing about knowing you were going to die was not knowing how. Would I be hit by a car? Find out I was sick? Or would an Akuma finally get the better of me? I knew many people went mad in their last years. It was easy to see why.

On the way to lunch, I imagined randomly having a heart attack. When Sabrina and Alya surprised me, I imagined how they would react when they found out. We ate and all I could think of was how I could choke and die. When Chloe popped the champagne, I tried to remember the statistic of deaths from champagne corks. After lunch when I visited my parents, I wondered if it would be the last time I saw them.

They clung to me extra tightly when I said goodbye. My head still pounded from my headache.

By the time I finally made it to Chloe’s that afternoon I was so mentally drained. I could hear Alya and Chloe arguing through the door. Stopping outside the door I tried to figure out what they were arguing about. It was pretty loud and hurt my head. Despite it being afternoon my headache had not yet relented.

“Chloe having another domestic?” a voice sounded out from behind me.

I screeched and physically jumped. Whipping around I was faced with Adrien, clutching his head. He and Chloe lived in the same apartment building. It made sense since they were both from well off families. I had run into him leaving Chloe’s place in the same clothes as last night too many times.

“Sorry. Ouch. Please don’t yell my head is killing me,” Adrien said, “I was actually coming over to tell her something. Um, could you possibly let her know I’m leaving for… Nino’s now?”

“Sure?”

“…Great. Okay…Bye,” he awkwardly nodded and headed for the elevator. He started and turned back to face me, “Oh, Happy Birthday!”

I smiled warmly at him, not understanding why he was being odd, “Thank you.”

He nodded again and left in the elevator.

Watching the numbers on the elevator tick down I registered a pain in my wrist. I hadn’t realised I’d been clutching it; more specifically my counter.

Since I was 15 I have had a huge crush on Adrien Agreste. While initially I was awkward around him and could barely talk to him, on my 18th birthday a switch flicked in me.

I would never, ever be with Adrien. I was going to die at 22. This realisation didn’t make my feelings go away, but it changed a lot of things in my life. I was no longer awkward around him. This allowed us to be actual friends. It allowed me to learn so much more about Adrien than I had in school. Somehow having Adrien as a friend hurt more than having him as a crush.

Regaining myself, I snuck into the apartment. Sabrina sat on the sofa, scrolling through her phone eating chips; glass of wine in front of her. Alya and Chloe were in the kitchen, arguing over whether I would prefer a vanilla or chocolate cake. Rather than draw attention to myself, I dropped my bags and moved to the couch to sit next to Sabrina. With looking up from her phone she offered me some chips. Pouring myself a glass of wine, I sighed.

“Who’s winning?” I whispered to Sabrina.

She smirked, “I think Alya is, but Chloe has some really good points on why vanilla will make you seem more upper class than you actually are.”

“Ugh. I’m going to go get ready.”

Sabrina raised an eyebrow at me, still smirking, “Ready for what?” We both knew Chloe was never going to keep the party tonight a secret.

“Oh you know, just in case we end up going to a party. Like a secret birthday party or something.”

We laughed causing Alya and Chloe to look over at us.

“Mari girl you’re here!” Alya came over and quickly kissed me on the cheek.

“Marinette please tell this idiot why you prefer vanilla cake.”

Jumping off the sofa, I grabbed my bags and began my retreat to the bathroom, “Nope, no opinion. Flip a coin. I’m getting dressed. Oh wait,” I stopped, “Adrien just awkwardly told me to tell you he’s going to Nino’s?”

Chloe clapped her hands together, “Oh good, he’s going to help set up your surprise party.” Ah, no wonder he was being cagey.

Alya snorted. “Girl, do you even know what surprise means?”

“Sure I do, I mean, you were probably born a surprise, right?”

“Well!” I turned to leave again, “That’s my cue to get out of the battlefield.”

Alya was close behind me, “Chloe just go vanilla cake, I want to get ready with my girl.”

We both slipped into Chloe’s bathroom, Alya was already flicking through songs on her phone to get the playlist going. I felt the weight of the day leave my shoulders as Alya and I danced around the bathroom doing our makeup; Alya tried to demonstrate her new twerking technique and I had to stop mid-eyeliner to double over laughing.

We all got dressed and left for my surprise party. Apparently Nino had been left with Alya’s house keys and was setting the place up.

Alya was driving, instructing Sabrina on what songs to play. She insisted on playing one of Nino’s tracks. Sabrina wasn’t giving in. Chloe was trying to talk me into doing a shot in the backseat when it happened.

Something slammed into the side of the car, causing the tires to lock as we skidded across the road. We screamed. The car stopped. A beat of silence. Alya’s frantic voice. Sabrina was sobbing. Chloe’s infuriated yelling. Yet I was calm. I looked left. Out the window. My eyes locked with his.

A man was holding a car above his head. He was dressed as a bright orange traffic cone and cackled manically. An Akuma victim.

My body rebooted before my brain. In a matter of moments, I was out of the car and running. I needed to hide so I could transform.

Hopefully Chat Noir was nearby. I wasn’t guaranteed to make it out of this one alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mari can't catch a break. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! It means a lot <3 
> 
> Hope you're having a wonderful day :)


	5. Chapter 5

My body was way ahead of my mind. Being Ladybug for so long had created a knee-jerk reaction to these situations. It wasn’t until I had transformed and was exchanging one liners with ‘Traction’, the Akuma victim, that my brain realised the gravity of the situation.

I could die. I. Could. Die.

The thought sent shivers up my spine and immobilised me. I had always assumed I would die in a situation similar to this, but when I imagined it, my death didn’t come to fruition at the hands of an orange traffic cone man.

Chat arrived.

More than anything, the image of Chat rebooted me. Movement returned and I missed another car narrowly.

We fell into our natural sync we had perfected over the years. Slowly my tension melted away. This was fine, Chat was here. He would protect me. Not that I needed it; just in case.

But then a roadblock smashed into Chat. Maybe previously I would’ve handled the situation calmly. That wasn’t now though.

My own counter still at the forefront of my mind, I screamed and screamed. Clearly not expecting such an outburst, Traction turned his attention to me. Logical thinking was out the window and primal instinct took over. I sprinted at Traction; no plan in mind except to distract him from Chat.

Our scuffle turned into a full-on fist fight. Chat was working on freeing himself from the roadblock. Traction swung at me with force, but this wasn’t my first fight. I had the clear upper-hand. He slowly became visibility annoyed with me, flitting around his attacks. Traction was a lot more violent that previous Akumas we had faced. He seemed to be out for blood.

He ripped a stop sign from the road. At the same time Chat called out.

Instinctively I swung around to see if Chat was okay. The stop sign connected with my stomach. The metal of the sign wrapped around me, through magic only achievable from the Akuma, turning me into a stop sign burrito.

My emotions were still running high and I instantly started to panic. Like a trapped cat being told its bath time I hissed and tried to claw my way out of the sign. My normal rational mind had abandoned me the moment my counter ticked over to 0.

Traction was unrelenting though. I was stuck. Chat was stuck. He now had the upper hand.

Something flashed in his eyes and he swiftly turned to a nearby car and effortlessly picked it up. He seemed to be drawing it out. Slowly making his way over to me.

Suddenly my fight left me. That cat being told its bath time was plunged into the water. I froze.

He held the car above his head and I… gave up. He was going to slam it down onto me and I would die. Chat was stuck. This was the moment. I hadn’t even made it one day into my year. I had kind of hoped I could at least have a few months.

I closed my eyes.

Weightlessness filled me and a sweet scent accompanied it. I could hear nothing but the rush of wind and feel nothing but a familiar gentle embrace.

I opened my eyes.

It was like waking up after a long nap and trying to figure out where and when you were. Yet only a few moments had passed.

Chat was whizzing me away from my impending doom. His grip on me dug deeper when he saw me open my eyes.

“Snap out of it My Lady. We still have an Akuma to defeat!”

He had escaped and saved me. I wasn’t dead.

Looking over my shoulder I watched as Traction slammed down the car he was holding right where I was just lying. The road buckled in around it.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I buried my face into Chat’s neck to wipe them away.

“I used my Cataclysm to escape the road block so we don’t have long left. Let’s finish this.”

He dropped me down and helped me escape my metal prison before turning around and running straight towards Traction.

Picking up a wrecked car he slammed it down around the Akuma victim and trapped him. It wouldn’t hold for long. Taking the traffic cone hat, Chat snapped it freeing the butterfly.

“Quick now!”

Numbly, through muscle memory alone, I captured the butterfly and purified it. Everything returned to normal around us.

Just as suddenly as it started. It finished.

I readied my fist bump but Chat was on a warpath towards me. He grabbed my outstretched wrist and pulled me into a nearby alley. He pulled me into a crushing hug and then pushed me back.

“What the fuck.”

The rollercoaster of emotions startled me out of my numbness.

“Excuse me kitty?”

“What the fuck was that LB. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Don’t worry about it, it was just an accident.”

“Listen Ladybug, I don’t know what that shit was but you’re crazy if you’re going to think I’ll just accept it was an ‘accident’. I saw it LB! Fuck! You just accepted it. I saw it in your eyes. Right before you fucking closed them!”

“You don’t know anything Chat.”

He gripped my shoulders, “Fuck off I don’t. My Lady, you’re my best friend. Talk to me!”

Turning my head from him, I remained silence.

“Ladybug...” he paused, “What’s your counter at?”

I glared at him. “You can’t ask that,” I spat. I felt myself shutting off from him. Distancing myself from the pain.

“Why not? I’m worried!”

“It’s none of your business!”

“Listen,” He was suddenly filled with such sorrow, “you can’t just give up. I knew something was off last night on the roof. It was like you were saying goodbye.”

“Whatever you’re doing right now Chat. Don’t.”

“Ladybug... don’t give up,” he paused, as if deciding to say something.

“I haven’t told anyone this before. My mum had a low counter. The last year, when she hit 0, she just stayed in bed all day. She just gave up. Her last year in this world was terrible. You don’t want that Ladybug.”

It was too much.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, but this is not that. My counter is fine. I have to go. Goodbye Chat Noir.” Pulling myself out of his grasp I retreated.

**23:05| Chat Noir (26.08.17)**

**‘I** **’m sorry for pushing you, I** **’m worried!** **’**

**‘Please text me back!** **’**

**07:09| Chat Noir (27.08.17)**

**‘Hope you made it home okay** **’**

**‘Let me know!** **’**

**14:47| Chat Noir (27.08.17)**

**‘I** **’m sorry! Are you okay? Please, please message me** **’**

**17:57| Chat Noir (03.09.17)**

**‘Hope you are doing well, always free for a talk** **’**

**‘I** **’m pawistive talking it out will help** **’**

**08:12| Chat Noir (13.09.17)**

**‘Saw a ladybug today in the park** **’**

**‘Was wondering if you were free for a chat with Chat?** **’**

**01:10| Chat Noir (26.09.17)**

**‘I miss you** **’**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So melodramatic but i love it 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and reviews, they mean a lot! 
> 
> Hope you're having a great week :)


	6. Chapter 6

A month passed. After the Akuma incident I sunk into a pit. Every time my phone ‘meowed’ signalling a text from Chat my heart broke a little more. I eventually changed it back to the standard text tone.

I didn’t mean to ignore Chat. Truly. But as time went on it got harder and harder to reply. When faced with a giant wall of text, what do you say?

A pile of birthday presents sat unopened in the corner of my bedroom. I heard it was a good time even if the birthday girl never ending up showing up.

I think I had left my apartment 4 times in the past month, only when I ran out of food in the fridge. Small tasks just became so hard. What was the point anyway?

Initially I wanted Alya to come over, eat ice cream and watching bad movies with me, but our schedules never lined up. A joy of adult relationships.

I poured my energy into my fashion blog, my source of income. It had become quite popular over the years and I had a small following. Companies often sent me clothes they wanted me to review. I would make my way through the PR packages, offer styling tips and sometimes post my own creations. People could even buy my creations off me.   

Chloe would come over and help model for the pictures I took for my blog. She was good company, and she wasn’t stuck into a tight schedule like Alya was. Best of all, she didn’t ask questions. I could tell she was slowly getting annoyed with me though. I didn’t have the energy to go out anymore, and whenever I turned her down she would whine.

It was one such night.

“Mari, I’m over this,” straight to the point as always with Chloe, “I deserve a prize for putting up with this. I wanted to complain so much more than I have, you’re really inconveniencing me with your depressing attitude.”

To someone else, this may have been rude, but I knew the intention behind the words wasn’t malicious. She was telling me in her own Chloe way that she was worried for me.

I sighed from my position on the ground. My feet were resting on the bed where Chloe was painting my toenails a bright pink colour.

“What do you mean?”

Chloe rolled her eyes, “Please, when was the last time you left the house?”

“This morning.” I had made the 2-minute trip downstairs to check my mail. Chloe didn’t need to know that.

She wasn’t satisfied with this answer. “You should do something you’ve been putting off… Like going to the club with yours truly.” 

“Chlo-”

“Don’t you ‘Chlo’ me, ugh. Dying stuck in your apartment will probably be the most tragic thing that would ever happen to you. Even more tragic than your hairstyle in high school. Who honestly thinks they can pull off two ponytails past the age of 6.”

From my position on the floor I tossed a box of tissues at her and she stuck her tongue out at me.

“At least I didn’t wear bright blue eye shadow every day.”

Before she could retaliate, her phone buzzed. She shot me a look before answering it.

Chloe did have a point. There was something I needed to do that I had been putting off. Not going to the club though. I needed to somehow break the ice. From outside my bedroom door I could hear Chloe frantically yelling at someone. How would I even begin?

…

**18:10| Ladybug**

**‘knock, knock** **’**

I dropped my phone onto my chest and Chloe came back in, clearly frazzled. I held my breath. Would he even reply?

“That was Sabrina. Does she know she can google things? Google is a thing, right? How am I supposed to know if it’s okay to drink undiluted mouthwash?”

My breath all came out at once. Giggling from my spot on the floor my curiosity got the better of me, “What did you tell her?”

“I told her to down some bleach instead.”

“Chloe!”

“Please, I’m kidding. I googled it for her, she’s fine.”

The phone on my chest buzzed.

**18:12| Chat Noir**

**‘Who** **’s there?** **’**

My heart jumped. He didn’t ignore me like I had been ignoring him for a month. It was a miracle.

**18:12| Ladybug**

**‘purr** **’**

I pushed up from the ground, being careful with my freshly painted toes. Chloe and I sunk into my mattress. Flicking through the channels, we put on a movie.

The TV at the end of my bed was the only source of light as the sun went down.

**18:15| Chat Noir**

**‘Purr who?** **’**

It was obvious Chat was restraining himself, but I appreciated it. It would be harder to reply if I got too many questions from him.  

**18:16| Ladybug**

**‘purr-sonally I think ur better at these jokes than I am** **’**

I felt some of my dignity leave with that text, but it was a small peace offering.

His reply was instant.

**18:16| Chat Noir**

**‘That was pawful** **’**

**‘I** **’m glad you** **’re still** **…’**

**‘Thanks for the message** **’**

His second message made my heart squeeze. ‘I’m glad you’re still…’. Alive. I hadn’t considered Chat would think I was dead. I knew he assumed my counter was low. Surely if Ladybug died Chat Noir would somehow know? To be fair I had been avoiding patrols and you know… the radio silence.

**18:20| Ladybug**

**‘sorry, I just needed to** **…’**

**‘id love to catch up for a chat with Chat if the offer still stands** **’**

Three dots appeared on screen.

They disappeared.

When they came back they sat there for a few low minutes.

**18:25| Chat Noir**

**‘Always up for a chat with you LB** **’**

**‘Up for patrol tonight?** **’**

**18:26| Ladybug**

**‘sounds good to me** **’**

**‘c u there** **’**

“Who are you texting Mari? Please tell me you’re ordering dinner. I am starving.”

Butterflies filled my stomach as I thought about facing Chat tonight after our fight and going so long without seeing him.

But one problem at a time. Resting my head on Chloe’s shoulder I pulled up dinner menus on my phone so we could scroll through them together.

“Pick whatever you want Chlo, this one is on me for putting up with my- what did you call it?- depressing attitude. I’ll even let you order that gross anchovy salad you like.”

Shooting me a rare sad look, Chloe smiled softly at me, “What am I going to do without you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the lovely comments and kudos! 
> 
> Hope you are having an amazing week :)


	7. Chapter 7

Life returned to its old routine. The small tiff with Chat was long forgotten. Months passed. My birthday in August was long forgotten and we moved head first into December. Life returned to its old routine…but it didn’t. Something was off. I would wake up and work on my blog. Grab coffee with Alya if she had spare time in her busy schedule. Gossip with Chloe. The occasional movie night with everyone. Catch up with my parents. Patrol with Chat. Things I usually did. But, they were…harder.

As weeks passed, waking up became a chore. I found I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t have the energy. And in the end what did it really matter if I stayed in bed all day? Tikki would gently pat my face, urging me to get up, so I would. But for her, not for myself.

Alya would smile and tell me about her latest clients and I would force myself to smile and nod along. It wasn’t that I didn’t find what she was saying interesting, but I would find myself tuning out against my will. I slept so much but had no energy.

Chloe was extra difficult to be around. After her pep talk in my bedroom months ago I started analysing everything I did. She had a keen eye and would pick up on any nuance in my speech.

Everyone in the same space at the same time was easier. Nino, Alya and Chloe had loud enough personalities that I could get away with not participating in a conversation. Adrien and I would sit on the couch and quietly score their yelling volume. They were all so passionate. _(_ _‘DJ Gorgeous practically invented the genre Nino!_ _’_ _‘Ah, Chloe chiming in with a strong 7/10 yell_ _’_ _‘YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE WRONG EVER_ _’_ _‘Ladies and Gentlemen, Nino takes with lead with a strong 9/10 for volume_ _’)_ When it was time to leave, I hugged them all extra tightly, never knowing when it would be the last time. 

Catching up with my parents became extremely overwhelming. They would shower me with so much love and sadness, squeezing in the last of their time with me. They made me more aware of my impending death every time I visited. I would go home, curl under my blanket and close my eyes, willing the deep sadness in my chest to go away.  

And then every other night I would go out with Chat on patrol. He was the only one who could make me genuinely laugh. For just a few hours I was Ladybug, and not sad ‘going to die this year’ Marinette. And it was magical.

Our patrol had just finished and I had promised to drop by Chloe’s place to deliver some excess clothes I had been given by a high-end company. She practically begged me to give her a few pieces and, already having too many clothes, I relented. It would be a lot quicker to swing by hers first before heading home after patrol.

I de-transformed on the roof of her apartment building and made my way towards the stairwell. The beautiful Paris skyline made me pause. 

You see, I had been doing something in secret for the past few weeks. I had begun writing personalised letters to everyone in my life. Some were a lot harder than others. My parents and Alya’s letters were so easy to write, but I had no idea where to begin with Chat Noirs, or Adrien’s for that matter.

Checking the time, I decided to quickly take a few moments on the dimly lit roof to try to add something to Adrien’s letter. I knew he lived in Chloe’s apartment building so I hoped he wouldn’t make a spontaneous visit to the roof and catch me.

Not caring about getting dirty I sunk down to the ground, leaning against the bricks.

“Writing more letters Mari?” Tikki asked.

I smiled and nodded at her, “I won’t be long Tikki, promise.”

Digging out my pen and paper, I started.

_Adrien_.

In the dimly lit light on the roof of Chloe’s apartment I became aware of the weight in my chest. My eyes watered and my pen stilled on the paper. All it took was one word.

“Maybe this was a bad idea, I should just go see Chloe.” Beginning to pack up my stuff I noticed Tikki was hesitating. I stood to leave.

“Marinette,” Tikki stopped me. “Listen Mari, I didn’t know how to bring this up. Watching you suffer over these past few months has made it…”

She wiped away a tear that had escaped from the corner of my eyes, “I…there might be another way. You might be able to liv-” She abruptly stopped, looking shocked. My heart stilled as she ducked to hide in my bag.

“Marinette?” A deeper voice sounded behind me, making me jump and cry out in fear. Had Adrien actually made a visit to the roof?

Whipping around to face the voice it took a few moments for my brain to reboot. It wasn’t Adrien.

“Chat Noir?” my voice was small.

A very concerned Chat was standing in the middle of the roof, arms outreached unsure of how to proceed. I imagined myself in his eyes, huddled and crying on the roof. “Are you okay?”

I had just seen him not even half an hour ago at patrol. Confusion settled over me. Why had he not gone home?

Wiping away my remaining tears, I stammered, “Yeah, sorry, I’m fine, I’m just visiting Chloe. Why are you here?”

“I…er… was patrolling the neighbourhood and saw you out here.” He seemed frazzled at the question.

Was Chat doing extra patrols without me? Without Ladybug? I made a mental note to ask him next time we were out. 

He came closer, “Are you sure you’re okay? Why are you on the roof?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Sorry, I’m just… going through some things. Life’s just hard.”

Chat looked shocked instantly coming forward and taking my hands. “Life is hard but please don’t give up. You have so many who care for you, who love you Princess.”

I almost felt like laughing at his intensity before realising he completely misinterpreted me. “OH! No, no! I’m just looking at the view. Promise.”

His body visibly relaxed and he let go of my hands, “It’s true though. About your friends and family, I mean. Do you want to talk?”

Chuckling, I quickly gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m alright, thanks Chat Noir. I really need to go see Chloe now though.”

That seemed to satisfy him and he nodded. “Alright Princess, I’m off, see you!” He saluted me and bounded away.

I shook my head at the interaction and quickly finished packing up my stuff and headed down to drop off the clothes for Chloe.

The thought of a warm shower and a hot cup of tea was all too appealing. I was ready to get home.

* * *

 

**21:06| Poster Boy™ *Started a new conversation with* Aly, niNO!, Queen Bitch, Sab**

**‘Hey guys!’**

**21:07| niNO!**

**‘sup man’**

**21:07| Aly**

**‘What’s this all 4? We already have a group chat’**

**‘You forgot 2 add Mari’**

**21:08| Poster Boy™**

**‘It was on purpose!’**

**‘We never ended up doing anything for Mari’s birthday because of the Akuma incident’**

**‘I was thinking we could do something nice for her’**

**‘Early Christmas celebration?’**

**‘You guys in?’**

**21:08| niNO!**

**‘hell yeah man’**

**21:09| Sab**

**‘What rly a nice idea’**

**‘I’ll take work off’**

**‘Let me know the dates’**

**21:10| Poster Boy™**

**‘Awesome!’**

**21:15| Queen Bitch**

**‘Yuck Adrien, are you being considerate?’**

**‘It doesn’t suit you.’**

**21:16| niNO!**

**‘are you in or not chloe’**

**21:17| Queen Bitch**

**‘I’m Maris best friend.’**

**‘Of course I’m in.’**

**21:18| Aly**

**‘We both know that’s me lol’**

**‘I’ll probably have to shuffle a few clients around but I’m totally down’**

**21:20| Poster Boy™**

**‘Awesome!’**

**‘Remember to keep it a secret from Mari’**

**‘I feel like she could really use a surprise’**

**21:20| Queen Bitch**

**‘More than you know.’**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was weirdly hard to write, so if the dialogue is off in some places I apologise. 
> 
> Hope you're having an amazing week :)


	8. Chapter 8

Fairy lights weaved themselves along the wooden beams on the roof. Large glass panes created an illusion of being outside, while keeping the cold and snow out. A large bar stretched across the back wall, making it easy to forget you were in fact on the roof. The bar was fully stocked, with many of the liquors having unusual bottles and colours. A fire pit sat in the middle of the room, warming the space up, surrounded by cosy looking couches. Adjacent was a DJ booth and dance floor. The large room was seemingly empty except for a few waiters wearing Santa hats and elf ears who stood waiting, holding trays of drinks and shots. They hadn’t greeted me, instead just continued smiling. A weird tension hung in the air.

I paused. Had I somehow accidentally stumbled into the wrong place? Checking the text Alya had sent me again, I double checked the address. I had thought it was weird that she had wanted to meet in such a nice place, I even wore my nicest dress. This was clearly a high-end establishment. Just as I was about to awkwardly apologise to the waiters for intruding, confetti exploded over me.

“Surprise!” Suddenly, people burst out from behind the couches and I screeched.

Alya rushed forward, smothering me in a hug, “Got you girl!”

“Oh my god! What is this!?” My reply was muffled in her chest.

“Let her breath Alya,” Nino’s cut in, before also crushing me in a hug.

Like a pass the parcel I was passed around the room to be hugged. I went from Chloe to Sabrina, I was willing it to end, until finally I was enveloped in a clean cologne scent.  Adrien’s voice rumbled in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.  “This is the last hug I promise.” I suddenly didn’t want it to be the last hug.

He released me and I took a moment to take the scene in. My friends had all dressed up for this occasion, “Wow guys! You look great!”

Chloe, who had signalled for a waiter with shots to come over, scoffed. She gave them pointed looks.

“They do look good, don’t they? As if I would let them come to a high-class establishment _I paid for_ wearing what they originally had on. I did them all a huge favour and chose out their outfits for them,” she took a shot and passed me one, “Honestly, they should be paying me.” She swallowed her shot and motioned me to follow suit.

Cringing I downed the alcohol.

Adrien slung his arm around Chloe, “Yup, we’re all so grateful Chlo, truly,” She rolled her eyes and pushed him off her. Adrien passed the remaining shots to everyone (I frowned as another one landed in my hand) and the waiter left, “To Marinette!” we all raised our glass and cheered.

I reluctantly downed my second shot. This was definitely straight vodka.

“So what’s all this for?” Not that I didn’t appreciate it.

Alya looked at Adrien and then back to me, “Well we all missed your birthday a few months ago, so we thought we’d celebrate you with a Christmas celebration.”

Warmth spread through my cheeks. “Thank you. But this seems a little much for just me,” I lowered my voice to a whisper, “Are those waiters here just for us?”

Nino and Alya let out a barking laugh and Chloe rolled her eyes. Adrien smiled softly at me, “Don’t worry Mari, it’s not just us here tonight, we just wanted to surprise you first, the other guests should be here soon.”

That made me feel better, not really wanting to be the centre of attention.

Sure enough, after some more banter people started trickling in. Before long the winter wonderland bar was full of people. Friends I hadn’t seen in a while surrounded me, giving me hugs, passing me drinks and well wishes.

Many drinks later the room spun. I was faintly aware of a constant presence next to me, occasionally holding me up or answering questions for me if I took too long. As the alcohol took a hold of me I numbly nodded and smiled at my friends, unable to do much else.

Thumping music was playing as people danced, there was now a line up at the bar, some people braved the cold to smoke, others gathered around simply talking over the music.

It wasn’t until I tripped over my own feet that the constant presence beside me took my arm and began to led me out. My head lulled down. No one paid any attention to us. I was faintly aware of our path as they led me into the kitchen.

“Hey you can’t be in here.” I couldn’t see who was talking.

“No it’s okay.”

“Oh! Sorry sir, I didn’t realise! Take your time.”

Forcing my head up I instantly saw Adrien and the back of a waiter retreating. Adrien walked over to the industrial kitchens sink, glass in hand, and filled it up with water.

“Hey Mari, come have a seat.”

Like a small fawn who was just learning to walk I stumbled over to him and hoisted myself up onto the counter. The world spun. It was late and I stifled a yawn.  

Passing me the glass Adrien placed a hand on my arm to steady me.

Giggles burst out of me. A small swirling happiness spun inside me. In such close proximity to Adrien, alcohol fogging up my brain, I felt 16 again. Young, naïve, and in love.

There was a tiny knot at the back of my mind, some sort of issue or problem, but I was too drunk to remember sober Marinettes problems.

“Thanks Adrien.” I smiled cheekily at him.

“All good.”

The music thumped on in the distance.

“Do I have to go socialise again?” I downed the water, and jumped down off the counter again. Poor Adrien tried to keep up with my sporadic movements.

His laugh was a deep rumble which awoke the butterflies in my stomach.

“Of course not.”

I stumbled away from Adrien in search for a place I could perhaps take a nap, or at least a break. I opened a door. Storage. Next. Adrien followed and we both laughed as he gave me a run down of how Nino had attempted to get Chloe out to dance with him. It hadn’t ended well for Nino.

A few doors later, most of which I’m not sure I had permission to open, I found what I was looking for. The staff room, equip with a comfortable looking couch.

Adrien and I sunk down into it and sighed content.

I could feel myself being pulled down into the depths of sleep.

“Thanks for looking out for me Adrien.”

He mussed my hair. “It’s your surprise party, don’t worry about it.”

He gave me a once over, “Want to play Chopsticks?” He stuck his fingers out.

Competitiveness flared up instead of me. He was on. He might be a blurry figure right now, in my state, but I had a few tricks up my sleeve.

Just as I put my fingers up to play, we heard a shatter, followed by screams.

A deep booming voice resonated around the room.

“I am Bon-Bon! Embrace the Christmas spirit!”

Sheer panic enveloped me. An Akuma.

Adrien met my eyes, his face a mirror of mine in worry.

I only had two thoughts.

  * How was I going to face an akuma drunk?
  * Why couldn’t I have one party without interruption?



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to finish this, I've already written the end so i promise we'll get there (I just have to write the middle bit :P), it might be slowly (curse you work) 
> 
> Hope you are having a great week! :)


	9. Chapter 9

_His small shoes clacked against the hardwood floor. Even as a child he understood the severity of the situation. The beeping was in time with his steps._

_Her gaze was gentle as he sat down beside her._

_“Hey sweetie.”_

_“Hey mum.”_

_Dust floated in the air but the room was otherwise pristine. It had once been welcoming and warm but most of the furniture had been cleared away for the medical equipment needed to sustain her._

_“How was your da-?“ Her question was cut off by a wet coughing. A nurse ran over, making the small blonde boy jump. He thought they had been alone._

_“Are you okay Madame?”_

_She waved them off and her coughing subsided. Tears shone in her eyes as she looked back over at her son._

_“How was your day, dear?”_

_The boy looked nervously up at the nurse but she gave him a reassuring smile before leaving the room._

_“It was fine,” he finally replied. Unease was clear on his face._

_Silence passed._

_“Adrien, come here.”_

_Slowly he made his way over to where his frail mother lay. She motioned to the bed next to her and he clambered in._

_“Give me your hands.”_

_He held out his hands and she took them in her pale ones. Carefully she laid them out in front of them._

_“No matter what happens to you know that you’ll always be with me.”_

_She traced a heart on his small hands and then closed them, trapping the invisible heart._

_“My love will always be with you.”_

_The boy smiled at his mother, and pulled her in for a hug, but perhaps he should’ve said more. The next day she was gone._

* * *

Red, white, green, gold. Colours of Christmas swam in my vision. Red and black. Black and green. The sharp smell of alcohol and the ringing scream of civilians. This fight was 100% on Chat. I stumbled as candy canes and Santa hats flew past me.

Chunks of my memory were missing.

Going, going, going, and then it stopped. The Akuma was gone. I was back in the staff room. There was no way I could physically stand anymore. Where was Adrien?

Blackness. And then Adrien.

“Ladybug!” He ran to my side. I was a ball on the ground.

“Are you okay? Did he get you?”

I shook my head. That stirred my nausea. This was bad. I was incredibly drunk.

“What’s the matter? That whole fight it was like you were… possessed. I mean from a bystander’s point of view. I could see Chat was really worried, he sent me to check on you since he used his cataclysm and had to leave.” I was too drunk to understand him.   

“Adrien I..” I couldn’t continue. In foetal position, I threw up.

Adrien recoiled from it. Wasting no time, I was faintly aware he was putting me into the recovery position.

“I’m so sorry. I’m just going to go grab a towel and some water.” He dashed out. I couldn’t be here as Ladybug. This was bad. I didn’t want Adrien to see Ladybug like this.

I de-transformed and pulled myself up and out of the room. Tikki followed suit. Adrien caught me halfway down the corridor to the lift. Tikki quickly hid. The place was now empty.

“Marinette! You’re still here?”

I froze. “No.”

“Stay there, I just need to check on something!” He sprinted off towards the staff room, towards ‘Ladybug’.

I could feel that I was going to throw up again. I crouched down and sobbed. I threw up for the second time. My balance was off and I fell forwards into it. With no energy to get up, I lay there. That’s when the tears began.

When Adrien found me, I was lying in a pool of my own vomit, balling my eyes out.

And then the blackness returned. 

I woke up to my phone buzzing. My head pounded. My stomach stirred. Looking at my phone hurt. 56 missed messages.

I was in a well-furnished room. It was a taupe room, with expensive looking paintings. Thick curtains hung across the window, blacking the room out. It definitely helped my head but I had no idea what time it was. There was a pile of pillow at the end that had clearly been thrown off the bed. A leather couch ran underneath the window and my bag and phone were on the bedside table.

Tikki was asleep there and I gave a small pat before tucking her into the big bed.

There were two doors to the room so I assumed one was an ensuite. This room alone was probably the price of my whole flat. Beside me someone had left a bucket and a glass of water. I greedily drank up the water.

A quick assessment I found I had been changed into someone’s clean underwear and t-shirt. Bruises I don’t remember getting littered my legs and arms. I checked my phone again. There were messages in the group chat, checking everyone was okay. Chat had messaged my Ladybug number.

 

**02:43| Chat Noir**

**‘Where did you go?** **’**

**‘Adrien told me you were in a bad state, please, please be okay.** **’**

 

I quickly tapped out a response.

 

**11:12| Ladybug**

**‘im fine just went home** **’**

**‘thx for ur help** **’**

**‘last nite was messy my head is killing me** **’**

**‘Im so so sorry im nvr drinking again** **’**

 

I read through the group chat. Everyone was fine and safely at home.

 

**02:44| Poster Boy™**

**‘Hey guy, I have Mari, she’s in a pretty bad shape. I’m taking her back to mine to clean her up.’**

**‘You shouldn’t have kept giving her those shots Chloe. She’s super drunk.’**

**02:47| Queen Bitch**

**‘…’**

**‘You’re right.’**

**‘Don’t do anything funny to Mari, I’ll chop your balls off.’**

A groan escaped me. Flashes of last night came back to me. Throwing up on Adrien. Sobbing as I curled up in vomit. This must be his spare room. We’d all hung out at his apartment before, but I’d never been in the spare room.

I got up and looked at myself in the closet mirror. Makeup ran down my face and I overall just looked like I had spent the night in a sewer. I tried the door on what I thought was the ensuite and found I was right. A fresh set of clothes had been set aside for me. They looked like Chloe’s.

Hot water ran down my body. I was too sick to stand and sank down on the floor of the shower. Time passed. The water hitting tile lulled me into a zombie like state. Unsure of how long had passed, I quickly came back to senses, cleaned up and got dressed. It was time to face the music.

I paused at the door. Something was different. It hit me hard. My watch was missing. My bare wrist was clear for all to see.

0.

I fumbled around the bathroom for something to hide my wrist. There was nothing. Heading back into the bedroom I spotted my watch and quickly put it back into place. But I knew the damage was already done. Adrien would know.

Tentatively I stepped out into the living room. The bright lights hurt my still thumping head. It must be around midday. Adrien and Chloe were on the couch. Adrien saw me first.

“Ah Mari, you’re all right. That’s great. You look a bit better too.”

I nodded and smiled. Chloe turned to face me but remained silent.

“Last night was pretty rough, huh?” I tried to lighten the mood. Adrien got up and laughed.

“Definitely. What a spectacular wipe out,” his voice was kind.

“Thank you so much for looking after me. I owe you.”

He reached down and grabbed both his and Chloe’s mugs off the coffee table.

“No damage done. You would’ve done the same for me. Up for a coffee?”

I looked into his eyes, trying to see if there was a hint of pity. Any evidence that he knew I was going to die. I couldn’t see any. “Yeah coffee sounds great, thanks Ad.”

He left for the kitchen and left me and Chloe alone. I made my way over and sunk into the spot Adrien had just vacated.

Neither of us said anything. I concentrated on keeping the room from spinning.

“He didn’t see.” Chloe’s voice startled me. It also rung through my mind painfully. I needed some Panadol if I was going to make it through the day.  

I looked over at her. She was on her phone, but I could tell she wasn’t really paying attention to it.

“Huh?”

“Adrien. He didn’t see your wrist. I live in this block too remember. He called me over and I dealt with you. You’re welcome by the way. Ugh, the amount of times I’ve had to deal with drunk Mari. I deserve an award, you’re insufferable.”

“Oh…,” A giant weight I didn’t realise I had been carrying left me, “I… thanks Chlo. You’re the best.”

“I know. You owe me dinner sometime.”

I laughed. She was joking but I intended on taking her up on it. She passed me some pills and I took them, eager for relief. While we waited for Adrien to return Chloe filled me in on the gossip from the party; before it went hay-wire. Apparently, Nino and Alya had left early to, as Chloe put it, ‘relieve themselves’. I was glad that they weren’t there for the attack.

“The fight was pretty bad. Seemed like Ladybug was also incredibly drunk. Damn it, I want to party with Ladybug. I could totally give her a drunk kiss and play it off,” Chloe gushed.

I knew about her crush on Ladybug. I also knew that it was a bit more than a crush. Whenever our conversations turned to the various things she wanted to do to Ladybug I grew a bit uncomfortable. There’s was no way I was ever going to tell her it was me.

Thankfully Adrien returned. He had a coffee and a plate of food in his hands. Bacon, sausages, toast, the whole deal.

“Oh Ad, you’re a lifesaver. Now I don’t have to listen to Chloe talk about Ladybug anymore,” I retreated from her and took the food from Adrien. Chloe snorted from the couch.

Adrien seemed to perk up at the mention of Ladybug, “What about her?”

Chloe cut me off before I could reply, “Just how gorgeously talented she is. And how one day she’ll realise her love for me.”

He chuckled at that. “Chlo, everyone wants Ladybug to secretly be in love with them. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.”

My curiosity was peaked. “Do _you_ want to find out Ladybug secretly loves you?”

His response was instant. “Of course, Mari. You do too. Everyone does.”

“Nah, I more of a Chat Noir girl. I love me a great, dark, handsome protector.” I winked at him and without missing a beat I popped a small bit of bacon in my mouth and chewed, before walking back over to the couch. If only Chat could hear us now; he’d be thrilled. One thing that hadn’t changed over the years was his love for attention.  

Adrien stalled behind me, “Oh…Chat Noir? Sure…sure.”  

“Adrien,” Chloe whined, “Come sit down and tell me again about how Ralph tried to hit on Alya last night. Mari needs to hear it. I’m laughing, did he really think he had a chance.”

Adrien was still hesitating behind us. He finally relented and came and squeezed in between us. He nicked some toast from my plate. “Where do I even start. I felt awful for him. The look Nino gave him was priceless.”

It wasn’t long, with a good feed and an even better story that my head started to feel a better.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a unique way of texting, which is great but I have to keep a list of what everyone's texting style is so I can be consistent 
> 
> Texting styles:  
> LB/MD- bad grammar  
> CN/AA- Good grammar.  
> Alya- uses numbers 4 words  
> Nino- no punctuation  
> Chloe- full stops.  
> Sab- normal, thank god 
> 
> I am 100% a Nino no grammar texter. 
> 
> Hope you're having an awesome week :)


	10. Chapter 10

My pen tapped on the table. Neat envelopes lined my desk, each appropriately named. Mere, Pere, Alya, Chloe, Sabrina, Nino. The list went on, names of people who I was writing my final goodbyes too. Tikki sat on the plate of cookies I brought in for her. She nibbled at the edge of a cookie. Tap. Tap. Tap. I didn’t know how to start. Two empty envelops laid open on my table. Adrien and Chat Noir.

Christmas had whizzed past. The new year was close behind. My last ones. I cherished the time with my family. We were now well into February and I still hadn’t written my letters to Adrien or Chat Noir. I had no way to get my feelings out and onto paper.

It wasn’t helping that I had noticed Tikki being weird for the past few months. I knew it was something to do with the counter. A small nugget of me wished it was a way out of this. A fix. She sighed from the plate, preoccupied in her thoughts. Something she had been doing a lot lately. I was trying to figure out a way to get her to talk about whatever was bothering her. Since I was getting nowhere with these letters, perhaps now was the right time. She didn’t even look up as I got up and made my way to the bed.

Using the pillows and sheets I strung them around. I used to do this as a kid. It wasn’t long before I had constructed a small pillow fort. I crawled out the small entrance and made my way over to Tikki, who hadn’t moved from her spot on the desk.  She started as I lifted her up from the table. I watched her tiny eyes take in my creation. I turned off the lights so the only light was a lamp I put on in the fort.

“Marinette?”

Carefully, I cradled her as I climbed inside and gingerly placed her down on the pillows inside the fort.

“Are you okay, Mari?”

“Talk to me.”

Tikki tipped her head, similar to a confused dog.

“Come on Tikki, I know somethings been up.”

Tikki’s expression changed to one of thoughtful sadness.

“I… think there might be a way we can save you. But I’m not sure and don’t want to say something wrong.”

My heart rose into my throat. Instantly, my pulse picked up. I wordlessly urged her to continue.

“We both know that Marinette is due to…die. But Ladybug isn’t. I’m not. I don’t even have a counter. What if you were transformed as Ladybug whenever there was danger? Ladybug can’t die!”

I was dumbfounded. Somehow, I thought she would have a more concrete plan. “Ah. I can’t always be Ladybug though, you’ll get exhausted. My friends and family will notice.”

Tikki continued, “Of course it’s not perfect, but its better than nothing! We just need to get you to the end of the year. Then we’ve beat the system!”

My hopes crashed. I forced a smile. “That’s a great plan Tikki.” My throat was thick as I realised I was holding back tears.

I picked Tikki up again and cradled her to my chest. Turning off the lamp, together we laid down. I placed a kiss to her tiny head.

“Goodnight Mari. We’ll beat this.”

I hummed in response.

It wasn’t long before Tikki fell asleep and I placed her on a pillow beside me.

Wet lines coated my face. Without realising I put so much hope into Tikki having a ‘cure’. My frame shook and I attempted to keep my sobs in.

Death is so lonely.  


	11. Chapter 11

One thing that is endlessly annoying is how the world speeds up the older you get; But the older I get, the more things I have to lose. Ironically, the more things you have, the less time life gives you.

A fleeting touch. A breathless laugh. A warm hug.

Jamming every little last moment into every day. More and more time with friends and family. The deep sadness in my chest expanding all the while.

Adrien could somehow sense my sadness, perhaps subconsciously, and we spent more one on one time together. He made me laugh. We’d watch trashy films, or he’d treat me to dinner. I’d talk him into letting me do his makeup, only to find that after years of modelling he didn’t even bat an eyelid as I poked and prodded him with products.

Moments slipped by as time marched forward.

Laughing in delight as we craft a tower of cards on his kitchen floor, only to watch them topple down.

Slow mornings, waking up having fallen asleep watching the TV, my head in his lap.

A lost night where I find myself staring at his lips, wondering if I dare.

But I knew I never would. It would hurt him too much when I died.

I was running on borrowed time. But hope infected me like a disease. It gnawed on my brain with countless ‘What if’ scenarios.

It was on May 11th that I decided to share my hope. It was a small sliver of hope now. Only three months left until my birthday. A day that would never come. But I had made it this far.

I needed to share my hope with the only person who would truly understand it.

Chat Noir’s gaze was one of curiosity as I sat him down after our patrol. I didn’t know where to begin.

I chewed my lip in worry. “Chat, can you tell me about your mum?”

“I…oh, sure.”

He paused to think. I didn’t push him.

“She was the kindest person I knew. And the softest,” He smiled warmly. It suited him. “Even right up to the end she was constantly looking out for others. I never got to see her at the end. One moment her room was full of machines, beeping and whirring. The next day it was empty. I think she knew it was her time. The day before, in a way, she said goodbye.” He paused, coming back to himself, “Sorry, you probably didn’t mean the sad stuff.” He laughed awkwardly.

I realised I had made a mistake with this line of questioning. Here I was opening old wounds before adding more to him.

 Taking a clawed hand in mine, I gave it a squeeze, “No, I like hearing about your memories.”

We sat in silence for a moment. Sitting side by side, both looking forward across the city. Thinking.

“Chat, I need to tell you something.”

He nodded, “I know.”

“I… my counter is depleted. I’m going to die.”

I didn’t turn to look at him as all the air left him and he slumped forward.

“I know.” His voice was so little. So defeated. How long had he spent convincing himself that his suspicions were wrong?

Chat had also carried a small sliver of hope. My heart broke as I watched his hope disappear.

Silence continued. I was unsure how long passed but eventually he squeezed my hand. I jumped, having forgotten we were still holding hands.

I wanted to take away some of his hurt, and share my hope, “My kw… Tikki has been helping. Whenever she thinks I’m in danger she transforms me. It’s been working so far, but it’s a broken system. I just need to make it until my birthday in a few months and then at midnight if I’m Ladybug then maybe I’ll break the system… maybe.”

Chat absorbed my ranting without comment. He turned to face me, drawing his feet up to sit crossed legged. I mirrored him so we were facing one another.

“Do you know the last thing my mother said to me?”

I shook my head.

“No matter what happens to you know that you’ll always be with me.”

Taking my hands, he laid them out in between us. Using his index finger, he traced a heart, before closing my hands together. Trapping the invisible heart. 

“My love will always be with you.”

Tears welled at the corner of my eyes.

“We share a connection no one else in this city does Ladybug. No matter what happens, I will be with you. We will get through this.” He allowed himself a smile, “Hell, maybe we’ll even beat the counter.”

I smile up at him through tears, “Together.”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, getting close to the end
> 
> Hope you're having a fun week :)


	12. Chapter 12

“Another!”

Adrien stood behind the bar in his dining room. He gave me a pointed look before pouring me another drink. It was a very restrained serving. Perhaps the Christmas party had stuck with him. I absently wondered if he stayed up at night guessing whether drunk Ladybug had been at the same party. I could only thank magic for Adrien not linking together such coincidences. In his head it was unrelated that both me and Ladybug where drunk on the same night. In same area. How unlucky I had been that he had found me that night. Or perhaps for my health, I was lucky. I shook my head of the thought.

Chloe and I sat on the other side. Frustrated she reached across, taking the bottle of gin from him.

“You buffoon, she’s not here for pass the parcel and musical chairs. Pour her more goddamn.” The liquor sloshed and splashed onto the bar. She snatched the bottle and a copious amount of alcohol went into my cup.

Adrien eased her hand, “Alright, alright.” He winked at me behind Chloe’s back. It felt like a secret.

We were all pretty tipsy and I honestly felt happier than I had in a long time. Most of it was owed to finally talking to Chat. I actually felt like I had a chance of living past 22. Even now Tikki was happily hidden away in my clutch, eating some macadamia cookies I had made earlier that day.

I couldn’t help my lazy smile and sigh as Adrien unabashedly showed off his bartending skills. He was amazing at a range of things. Beside me Chloe scoffed at me. She was not so easily impressed. Maybe if we were younger she would’ve been sighing alongside me. But we were well past such things and crushes. Well one of us was.

Chloe and I got dressed. I had brought over some pieces I had photographed earlier in the week. They were gorgeous and hugged all the right places. We looked amazing.

We played drinking games and told jokes before we called the car service to take us to the clubs.

The driver opened the door for us, “Having a good night Mr. Agreste?”

“I’m lucky enough to be going out for the night with two of the most beautiful women in Paris, I have no complaints.”

We rolled our eyes at the compliment but I held it in my heart as we strutted past the lines at the club. Two of my closest friends were particularly influential in Paris. I could feel eyes rack my body and drink us in. I felt powerful.

We visited all the top clubs in Paris, Adrien and I followed Chloe like ducklings. She knew better than us as to which were the best places.

As is a usual night with Chloe and Adrien, I met a lot of models and business people. Good-looking men and women, but my friends only had time for those who weren’t snobby. Chloe told me she refused to keep company with anyone pickier or snootier than her. She had said she needed to make sure she was constantly in charge. At least she knew she was picky and snooty.

It was a good night. We drank and danced.

We left for a smaller less known club at Adrien’s request. It was split into levels, with the top being a garden bar.

We sat at the edge of the bar, overlooking the cool Parisian night.

“What do you girls want?”

“Shots!” Chloe screamed over the balcony. Below in the street people cheered.

“Jagerbombs!”

Adrien cheered and left to get us a round of drinks.

Chloe and I idled for a moment, enjoying a moment of peace.

“How are you going with your letters?”

I started at Chloe’s question. Had I told anyone about those?

“What letters?”

“The depressing ones in your bedroom. I found them when we modelled the WoodMiller clothes.”

“Chloe, what? Did you read them!? That’s personal.”

The alcohol amplified my anger.

She scoffed, “No of course not. You sealed them and you were only out of the room to get the pins.”

My eyes narrowed, “Implying if I was gone longer you would’ve read them.”

She shrugged.

I focused on letting my anger pass. I clutched my wrist feeling underneath my watch. I couldn’t stay mad at her. Not now.

It didn’t mean I was going to hide my feelings though, “I’m hurt you did that.”

Chloe paused, and refused to meet my eye. She realised quickly that she had crossed a line.

“Fuck, fine. I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight. I just wanted to check on you.”

An apology from Chloe was rare. She didn’t even apologise when she smashed her father’s vintage whisky collection. The whole collection.

“Thank you for your apology.”

“Whatever, yeah. You know I somehow have come to care for the wreck that you are.” She reached over taking my hand in hers. She levelled me with a look, “I have no idea how I am going to survive losing you. I’m grateful I’ve had this long with you.”

I was speechless at how genuine she was being. Her rare honesty rattled me.  

She took back her hand and cleared her throat, “Anyway, how are you going? With your letters I mean.”

“Yeah, I’ve finished most of them. I just don’t know how to… sign off I guess.”

“Sign off? What are you going to say? Goodbye Paris, nice knowing you?”

I laughed, “That’s not bad actually.”

With some liquid courage I leaned over the edge of the balcony.

“Goodbye Paris! Nice knowing you!”

Below, more cheers echoed up.

I felt light and my sour mood passed quickly.

Adrien returned with jagerbombs and the rest of the night faded away in a drunken haze.

We danced as a trio on the floor. Music thumped and it felt freeing to loosen up. A man started dancing up behind Chloe and me. I expertly twisted away, closer to Adrien. I turned around to face Chloe. She shot me a look, questioning me with a single look if the man was work a shot. After a quick assessment I deemed him to be Chloe’s type and gave her a thumbs up. They peeled off. I hoped my drunk assessment was okay.

I was left alone with Adrien. He easily pulled me into his arms and we swayed to the music.

It felt like no time had passed at all when I felt my phone buzz.

**_03:40| Chlo_ **

**_‘Goning to Pauls.’_ **

**_‘Here’s his addfress and a pic of him in case he’s a werido.’_ **

**_*Two attachments*_ **

**_‘Have fuuin with adrikins. X.’_ **

I groaned. I was supposed to be staying at Chloe’s. Taking Adrien’s hand I lead him off the dancefloor and showed him the texts. Omitting the last one.

“Want to crash at mine?” His words slurred.

That solved that problem. We were both done with the club and called a car through Adrien’s private car service. Still quite drunk, I giggled in the backseat at how fancy it was. It had a mini-fridge! The car on the way to the clubs didn’t have a fridge! Adrien was amused with my mirth. It wasn’t long before we were both crying and clutching our stomachs, laughing at nothing in particular.

Somehow, we made it to his apartment. It was probably mostly thanks to his driver. He had seen us in and to the right floor. We both collapsed at the door, stripping off shoes. We had somehow both gained additional accessories during the night. I discarded my flower crown and tie onto the ground.

“Water!” I cried into the dark of the apartment.

“Water!” Adrien echoed back.

“Candy!”

“Candy?” Adrien questioned.

More laughter.

“Carol! Lights on!” he called out. Lights automatically switched on.

Shock filled me, “You have a robot slave!”

“Just a computer.”

“For how long?”

“For forever.”

I huffed, “I’m sad I didn’t know.”

“Carol, TV on.”

The TV lit up.

I was in awe, “So cool.”

I glanced over and caught Adrien smiling fondly at me. My heart lurched. No.

“Okay! Water!” I jumped up, stumbling a little.

Adrien followed suit, jumping up. I followed him as he beelined for the bar fridge, pulling out two bottles of water. He passed me one, making his way back over to the TV, leaning on the couch. He sculled his water and closed the lid.

He groaned and rolled over the back of the sofa. I quickly made my way over to check he was okay. He was safely on the cushions.

I left the room digging for something to satisfy my sweet tooth. Adrien’s fridge was stocked to the nines. In high school he would savour treats when offered to him, and I could see now with independence he would buy sweets for himself. There was a small section in the pantry stacked with chocolate biscuits and lollies. I grabbed an opened pack of strawberry clouds and made my way back to the living room.

I couldn’t see Adrien from his position on the couch, but I could hear his giggles. A smile stretched across my face without thought. I peered over the edge. He was on his back, stacking coasters on his stomach. He looked up at me, grinning brilliantly. I couldn’t recall the last time I had seen him this drunk.

His eyes sparked mischievously. “Carol, lights off!” In the dark, he reached up with strength I didn’t know he possessed he pulled me down over the back of the couch on top of him. His laughter mingled with my cry of surprise. Together as one we rolled off the side of the couch onto the floor. Strawberry clouds scattered across the ground.

We breathlessly laughed. The only light now was the flashing TV. I was sprawled across his chest. I stared into his eyes. Colours from the TV danced across them. It was beautiful. A small noise escaped his lips and he buried his head into the crook of my neck. Goosebumps ran up and down my body. He drew back. Our eyes met again. A moment passed. You often heard how when you see someone you’re attracted to, your pupils expand. It was the first time I had seen it happen. His cheeks flushed.

The moment sobered me. I felt physical pain from a deep sense of loss. Slowly he leaned forward. His face coming closer.

Swiftly I reached down and popped a cloud into his mouth. For a moment he was shocked, but the moment was broken and he laughed again. I rolled off him.

We took turns throwing clouds up into the air and catching them in our mouths. We choked more than a couple of times as we caught them wrong.

Did I make a mistake, passing up a moment? The thought ate at me.

I woke up surrounded by red candy and a pounding headache. Adrien was asleep next to me. Quietly, I picked myself up off the ground. My body ached. Crashing on the floor was never a good idea.

Scooping up my phone (glad it had survived the night), I quickly checked my clutch was still in tow. I found it by the front door. Empty. I stopped and listened. A small voice was coming from the kitchen. Hoping it was Tikki and I hadn’t left her at some random club, I made my way over. Was she talking to herself? At my footsteps there was a clatter in the kitchen. I entered to find the room empty.

Nothing, and then, “Oh it’s you Mari!” Tikki came out of hiding. She landed on the counter.

“I was just getting some breakfast.”

I surveyed the counter. “I didn’t know you liked cheese Tikki?”

“Oh… I was just… trying some.” She seemed embarrassed.

“Okay… well if you hear Adrien, hide. I’m going to shower.”

She nodded. I raided the pantry for Panadol and left.

I made my way through to the guest room and grabbed some spare clothes I had left from my visits. In the ensuite I showered, pulled candy out of my hair, and found various bruises that I didn’t have originally. Something that always happened to me after a night of drinking. Not the lollies in the hair part. That was new. I scrubbed off the stamps from the various clubs we visited.

I was getting dressed when a knocked at the door startled me.

“Mari, I’m just popping out. Stay here and lock the door behind me!” Adrien’s voice sounded urgent. My gut twisted. Was he avoiding me? Then why did he tell me to stay put.

I heard the front door shut.

I didn’t have long to wallow in pity as a text came through.

**09:06| Special Services**

**_‘AKUMA SIGHTED’_ **

**_‘SENDING THROUGH LOCATION’_ **

Glad I had time for at least a shower, I darted out, collecting Tikki and some bread as I left the apartment.

I made sure to lock the door behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I really want some strawberry clouds.


	13. Chapter 13

Chat and I were back in our grove and Akuma attacks were becoming shorter than ever. Time fell away from me.

My birthday was in a month. By the logic of the world, I was going to die this month. But I wasn’t a usual human. I was Ladybug. And to be honest, if I hadn’t died by now, I was either very lucky, or I wasn’t going to.

I had spent the day with my parents. It’s a very odd thing to see people planning for your death. Mama and Papa were both overjoyed they had gotten to spend the whole year with me. Every day was a present. But in their eyes, the inevitable was coming.

We were clearing out my bedroom. Sorting my remaining possessions, most stuff was in my apartment, into boxes to be either donated or given to one of my friends. My parents didn’t know I was Ladybug, and had no idea that I probably wasn’t going to die. Guilt ate at me for not being able to tell them. Losing a child was something unfathomable for a parent, but they had spent my whole life with the knowledge that it was coming, and a lot of money on counselling to deal with that fact.

We all danced and laughed to music blasting through my room. It was unspoken, but we were celebrating my life. Mum had planned a big meal for later, and even invited over Adrien, who she had always hoped I would end up with.

“What about this one babybear?” Papa was holding a scrap of fabric that was vaguely dress like.

“Oh, that’s one of my first sewing creations, just bin it.”

“No way!” He placed it on the pile he was collecting to keep, “I’m going to frame it babybear!”

I sighed and smiled at him, “You can’t turn into a hoarder now Papa.” I gestured towards his keep pile, which was currently a lot larger than the throw away pile.

He silenced me with a wink, before coming over to swirl me into another dance.

It wasn’t much longer before Adrien showed up, with wine and flowers, and was also swept into the dancing. We danced for a while before we were hungry and decided on an early meal.

My parents had outdone themselves, the food was amazing. I ate until I couldn’t have any more.

“That was amazing Tom and Sabine.”

They smiled warmly at Adrien, always so perfect with manners.

“It was our pleasure.”

It was still bright outside, so Adrien and I decided to go for a walk. The evening was the perfect temperature. It was effortless for Adrien to hoop his arm through mine, and we walked down the road arms linked.

“Your parents are always so welcoming.”

I bumped him with my hip, “Of course! They love you.”

He stuck his tongue out at me.

We rounded onto a nearby park. It was mostly empty.

Together we made it over to the small pond, and sat by the edge. Comfortable silence passed. I watched as insects chased each other over the surface of the water. I felt blessed to be here with the one I loved.

A jolt passed through me and I snuck a glance at Adrien next to me. I had told myself over and over again that it was pointless to love Adrien, but here at the end of all things, why should I deny it. I didn’t have to act on it. It was my own thought.  

I loved him.

Warmth spread through me. I unabashedly smiled up at Adrien. The genuine smile that he gave me in return caused my eyes to well up.

Shock crossed his face, “Are you alright Mari?”

I was still smiling. “I’m amazing.”

He shot me a goofy smile, “Why the waterworks?”

“I’m just so happy, there’s so much love with my family and friends. I feel lucky.”

Adrien reached up and wiped my tears away in a gentle motion. He took my hands and placed them palms out between us.

“My mum taught me this,” he paused briefly before continuing, “No matter what happens to you know that you’ll always be with us.”

My brow furrowed. This felt familiar.

He slowly drew a heart.

“Our love is forever imprinted on you.”

He closed my hands, trapping the invisible heart.

Realisation shot through me. This time my tears fell. Without realising it Adrien had provided me with something I didn’t know I was looking for. A link between loves.

I grinned up at him and took his hands in mine. My heart fluttered with pure joy. I cut him off as he opened his mouth to ask if I was okay.

Fuck denying it.

“I love you Adrien Agreste. Every part of you.”

His face turned a bright red. He stumbled over his reply, clearly searching for the right thing to say. Eventually he settled on, “Oh.”

It felt amazing to finally say it. After years of loss. My mind lingered on the almost drunk kiss weeks ago. It didn’t matter now.

He quickly resumed his flustering, telling me I was a good friend, but he already had someone he was interested in.

All things considered, I should’ve probably told him I was Ladybug right then and there. But when I got home later that night, heart still soaring on a high, I cooked up an even better plan.

Ladybug was going to reveal herself to Chat Noir with dramatic flair.


	14. Chapter 14

Two days until my birthday. We were celebrating early. Chloe had rented out a venue and in typical Chloe style it was gorgeous.

Everyone cheered as I blew out the candles on my birthday cake. My parents pulled me into a deep hug, tears shining into their eyes mirroring mine. “We love you, always.” I nodded. I knew.

Cameras flashed and I picked up the ribbon adorned knife and carefully cut a slice of cake. It was a gorgeous pink colour inside. Slices were passed around and drinks were refilled. The cream melted in my mouth. My parents had outdone themselves with this one.

I made sure to take the time to speak to everyone. After a while I realised I hadn’t seen, or heard, Chloe for a while. Excusing myself, I begun my hunt. It wasn’t too long before I found her alone in a booth hidden strategically behind a bush.

“Hey Chloe, want to dance?”

She glanced up at me and I stopped. Her eyes were bloodshot. She rubbed her face delicately avoiding her makeup, “Y-yeah sure just give me a moment.”

My heart sunk. I slid into the booth next to her and wrapped my arm around her.

“N-no stop, if you hug me I won’t be able to stop.” Her body shook. She looked up at me again and forced a smile. “This is it, huh? At least everyone’s last memory of you will be smiling.”

In that moment, I almost broke. I almost told her I was Ladybug and that I was actually going to be okay. My mouth froze agape. Instead I pulled her into a hug.

“Goodbye Paris, nice knowing you, remember?” she whispered.

I didn’t know what to say. “Thank you for being an amazing friend Chloe.”

“Well whatever, someone had to help you stumble through life.”

We waited until her eyes cleared before hitting the dance floor. The tense feeling fell away as we swirled to the beat. It wasn’t too long before Chloe was smiling again. The music slowed and I made to move off the dance floor. I was wet with sweat from dancing, I need a cool drink.

Someone touched my elbow. I turned to find Adrien smiling tentatively at me.

“Adrien.” I beamed. He looked so handsome. He had run product through his hair and smelt like fresh laundry. I was sure I stunk of sweat.

“Hey. Want to dance?”

I cringed at my sweaty state but nodded regardless.

His hands wrapped around my waist, safe from the sweat on my dress’s fabric. We both quickly picked up the beat. He spoke up instantly. “I wanted to say sorry again for the other week.”

I smiled at him.

“You’re an amazing friend and-“

“It’s okay,” I interrupted him. He was going to kick himself when he found out. “Let’s just dance.”

He nodded and we swayed to the music before Papa cut in and swirled me around the dancefloor. It began a train and I ended up dancing with all my friends. Nino picked me up and swung me around and then strategically cleared room for a dance circle.

I needed a break before long and made my way to the bar and grabbed some water. Alya was cutting her way towards me.

“Thanks for the dance girl!” We laughed.

“Listen Nino and I have an early morning, so I hate to cut early but we gotta scram.”

“All good!”

“Hey, you’re almost one year older Mari! Any plans for the actual day?” Alya smiled coyly at me.

I chuckled and returned the coy smile, “Hmm have a thing in the works that hopefully pans out.”

Alya pulled me in to a side hug. I steadied my drink before it spilled.

“Oh girl sounds saucy. You definitely have to fill me in over coffee next week!”

Nino found us holding two coats. He gave me a hug while Alya struggled into hers, “Thanks for the party Mari. It’s hard to catch up sometimes so this is rad.”

“Thank you both so much for coming.”

They made to leave, but Alya paused and looked back at me, “Hey girl, I’ll see you next week for coffee, right?”

My smile was genuine, “Of course.” And I truly meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, almost a whole year since I first published this.
> 
> Two more days!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments, it means a lot. <3

**10:13| Ladybug**

**‘If ur free I have a 10 pack of ciders that I need help drinking** **’**

I knew he would be free for me. I was on the roof Chat and I had spent my last birthday. I had been transformed almost all day. Tikki didn’t want me to risk anything on my last day.

As a child I had long given up on ever being with Adrien, but now that I knew I was going to live, we had a chance. Looking back, my year had taken on a different meaning now that I knew that Adrien was Chat. We were idiots dancing around each other.

I opened a cider and downed it in one gulp. The bubbles burned my nose. Beside me I had set out a small picnic for us. I waited for Chat. My mind swirled and happiness bubbled inside me. One more piece of the puzzle and everything would be right. The alcohol made me optimistic.

I had brought an old-fashioned alarm clock with me. I turned the handles, setting the alarm to midnight. When it goes off I will have made it past my counter. I will beat the odds. Looking at the clock I noted I still had just over an hour until midnight. Until my birthday.

Joy overwhelmed me as a black silhouette dived down onto the roof, “My Lady.”

I giggled, “My Chaton.” I jumped up and bowed before passing him a cider. I pulled him into a deep hug and it took all my will not to kiss him.

The same thought on repeat in my head. This was Adrien.

We sat and laughed, enjoying the picnic, and it wasn’t long before we were both quite drunk. I leaned heavily into him. I loved his smell. My heart was so full of emotion. It was now or never. I didn’t want to be de-transformed too close to my deadline.

“Chat my dear kitty, I would like to propose a toast,” I sluggishly pulled myself to my feet.

Feeling elated I jumped up onto the side of the roof. A makeshift stage. Together Chat and I raised our cans. He whooped and hollered at me. We both fell into a fit of laughs as I shushed him. I didn’t want to wake anyone.

We composed ourselves and I continued. “To my favourite hero and protector of Paris. Thanks for everything, from your best friend and number one admirer.” Now for the dramatic flair to my speech. I shot Chat a goofy grin.

And de-transformed.

Chat wasn’t expecting it. Slowly his can lowered and his jaw went slack. I could feel my smug grin shining through.

“Ta-da!”

Chat was frozen in place, I could almost see the gears ticking over.

Now for the real kicker. To reveal I knew his secret identity.  I shifted my weight, ready to deliver another shock to Chat.

The tiles beneath me gave way.

Shock flashed through me like an electric current and I frantically reached out to Chat. He unfroze. Desperate, he reached out to grab me. Panic. But it was too late.

I fell.

 

 

 

A broken cry echoed out into the night. Dogs barked, set off by the noise. Though, the noise of flesh hitting concrete and bones cracking could still be heard.

Fire consumed my body. The urge to scream was stilted only by the fact I could not move. My brain shut down. It was a welcome escape from the feeling of boiling water being poured continuously over me.

When I re-opened my eyes, Chat was there. The pain was gone. A faint hum at the back of my mind.

 “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Chat chanted. His palms were coated in red. He worked methodically to wrap me and put pressure on my wounds.

I had no energy to tell him not to bother. I knew. It wasn’t okay.

All I could focus on was the green of Chat’s eyes. How had I not known before? The same beautiful eyes.

Done with his bandaging his pulled my battered body into his lap, cradling me. I must’ve cried out. He swept the bloody hair out of my face. “I know, I know, I know,” He chanted.

He didn’t know. I couldn’t feel my legs.

Where was Tikki? She had to transform me to save me. She had to. I had coffee with Alya next week. Everything was supposed to have worked out. I had been stupid.

My throat gargled. I needed to say something important.

“Iv...o...a…” I couldn’t hear my own voice. It was just a faint whisper of wet gibberish.

“Shh Mari,” His voice quivered, “S-save your strength.”

It took every inch of the power left within me. I raised my hand to cup his cheek. Everything around me was blurry but those brilliant green eyes were crystal clear.

Reaching up he cupped my hand on his cheek. He didn’t take his eyes off me.

“I can hear the sirens Mari, you’re going to be okay.”

I was so tired. My eyelids grew heavier. I wanted to return to the darkness.

One last attempt.

“I..” This was important. “I love you Adrien Agreste. Every part of you.”

Nothing more than a broken whisper into the night. All the air escaped him. His grip on me tightened.

Important.

It was time. I could sleep.

I let my heavy eyelids close.

An unearthly sob shook my body. Not mine. A broken boy crying out for help.

But I couldn’t help him anymore.

Above me an alarm ran out.

Goodbye Paris. Nice knowing you. 


	16. Chapter 16

Dearest Adrien,

I struggled for a very long time with writing this. Ironically, writing yours and Chat Noirs letters were the hardest. Who knew it was because you were the same person.

I debated for a while on whether or not to write this. While Tikki says there’s a chance I will live, there’s a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that it is my time.

I am 22. I am so very young. I am young and madly in love. While our friendship started off on a rocky path, I can’t think of a more perfect person to have spent the better years of my life with. Adrien- the sweetest, most caring crush anyone could have, and Chat Noir- my best friend, who made everything right. My love for you only grew the moment I learned that two of the people I care most for in this world were in fact just one.

My mother once told me that once you find your person in this world, you know. You were my person. I know. But fate decided another path for us.

As my final year draws to a close I want you to know, while we can never be together, you gave me so much happiness and I truly hope you can continue to shine. The world needs you Chat Noir, but it also needs Adrien Agreste.

My heart aches for what could have been.

Know that, I love you so much, more than you could imagine. I miss you already.

Take care, Kitty.

Love, always,

Marinette

 

 

**(1 unread) |Adrien <3 **

**‘I love you too** **’**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats a wrap! Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me! I appreciate that you took the time to read my work and the time to leave a comment! 
> 
> Hope you have an amazing week of an amazing year! 
> 
> \- Rino


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